What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word cancer? Extreme sickness? Loss of hair? Chemo and radiation? Or how about death? I will be honest and say that those are the things that come to mind for me. This part of my thyroid story progresses rapidly but ultimately changes the course of my life. Never in a million years did I every expect to have any form of health issues, let alone one that is completely apart of the fabric of my life.
And the journey to this part of my story starts like this. It was Tuesday, December 31, 2019 at 2:00pm when I arrived at my endocrinology appointment. I had waited a full month to get the appointment and ironically the doctor’s only visit was on the last day of the year. The waiting room was quiet as most of the staff had left for the day. I sat flipping through a Peoples magazine waiting for my name to be called. When my name finally was called, I was escorted towards the back of the office into a private room where I had my height, weight and blood pressure checked. Saying I was nervous was an understatement which was noticeable in my pressure being kind of high. When the medical assistant left out, I was left with my own thought about the doctor who I would be meeting with and what would take place during the next 30 minutes I was in the office.
After about a 10-minute wait, the doctor knocked on the door and life as I knew it was changed forever. I will kill the dramatics for a second, but in all honesty, it is true. That was the last day my life felt normal. The last day I felt like myself. Whether it is a good or bad thought, it is honest and earthshattering. During my visit, my doctor did a physical of my neck and discussed my concerns. I left the appointment feeling confused and on edged because I was referred to radiology to have a FNA biopsy completed.
About a week after my first endocrinology visit, I had to have a biopsy of my left thyroid because it had a nodule that was measuring over 1.1cm. The FNA process is quick with very minimal pain associated. It is the 2-week wait for the results that keeps you on pins in needles. I had to wait on my results and sure enough on Saturday night, two weeks later, I received a call from my doctor around 6pm advising that the results came back as suspicious for cancer. I did not hear a word she said after cancer and she noticed my stark silence. She reassured me that I had nothing to worry about and that thyroid cancer was a common cancer. My belly ached with pain as I held back my tears and listened to her talk. She referred me to have the right thyroid biopsied as well because it measured at .5cm. When the call ended, I sobbed for about 10 minutes, gained my composure and called my fiancé at work and told him the news. He was quiet and reassuring and immediately rushed home.
The second biopsy was on January 24, 2020 and went a lot quicker than the first. The doctor that had performed the biopsy stated that the nodule on the right has looked benign and had not made the same reference to the nodule on the right. My eyes welled up, but I looked at the ceiling and said prayers in my head while trying to maintain positive thoughts. Two weeks later, my right biopsy result came back, and it resulted as atypical which meant that it was not clear if the nodule was malignant or benign. However, the plan was in motion and it was advised that I have a total thyroidectomy since the results were inconclusive. So, within a span of 6 weeks, I went from having shortness of breath to nodules that were suspicious for malignancy.
Getting any life altering diagnosis is scary. It completely thwarts your rationality and instantly brings forth your mortality. I could not understand why I was in this current predicament and tried to even rationalize if I had done something wrong to deserve this. I could not rationalize the though because there was nothing that I did. I prayed for the nodules to dissolve for a few weeks, but they keep coming up on every scan. Finally, I just accepted my thyroid issue, and I prayed my hardest and cried many tears, but I asked God if I had to go through this to allow me to go through it with Grace. I can honestly say that God has blessed me and given me beauty for my ashes. I am so humbled and beyond blessed to say that I while this has not been an easy adjustment, God has shown true to his word has allowed me to move gracefully while navigating my new life.
Have you had any life changing moments that truly knocked the wind out of you? How did you initially deal with the change? How are you currently dealing with the change? I would love to hear your story.
